End of ASP

The end of ASP is here. Just 3 more days to go. My friend like to call it Alternative Slimming Programme instead because of obvious reasons. I have been sawing, filing, sanding, drilling MILD STEEL NON-STOP FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS! I have bulging biceps now. If this keeps going on, I don’t need to go gym at all, not that I go la.

Innocent looking Myvi? I think not…

Check out the intercooler! I read that it outputs 95hp at the wheels!

I’ve been downloading and watching LOST as well as Prison Break as well as the Matrix Trilogy. I think LOST episode 25 will be the last episode. I will be aired at the States tomorrow. So probably tomorrow night I will be able to download it. Episode 24 was simply amazing. As for Prison Break, there’s still 25 minutes left for episode 18. I think I will be able to finish watching till episode 22 by tomorrow. As for the Matrix Trilogy, it simply blows my mind away, even though I have watched it countless times.

Nice Impreza.

Sometimes people wait for drastic things to happen before they take any action. I have a change in mindset after reading the blog of the girl who died from cancer and after I woke up early one morning because of a stinging pain on my right abdomen. At first, I though I was having appendix (I know it’s not spelt that way but you get what I mean). But I can’t rememeber which side the appendix is at, so I can’t really be sure. But I sure scared the hell out of me, because if I really had appendix, that means I won’t be able to go work and finish up my final project haha.

Hmm… who left the smoke generator on?

Anyways, the stinging pain was due to gastric. I forgot to eat supper that night. But after that I started to realise the importance of having good health. So therefore I decide to cook at least one dish of veggy when I’m eating at home, which is everyday. And stock up the fridge with some fruits. And I notice that when I cook now, I will put garlic in my cooking like it’s nobody’s business. I used to HATE garlic. I can’t comprehend the change. But it sure smells good when fried with ikan bilis.

Nice sunsets here. Away from all the tall buildings.

Lastly. Barney, you want to know how to go Sematan? Easy. Use car la! Don’t tell me you want to walk eh? =)

Have a nice rest-of-the-week! Continue reading

Blonde Jokes

No offence to blondes =)

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.”

The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:

“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other
kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,”! said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl said.

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,”
she yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could
only say it to D, but i said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,” she
yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other
girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top
to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother!

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.”

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first american football game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game he asked her how she liked her first football game.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’

“I ‘m like … Helllooo … It’s only 25 cents!”

Two blondes living in Okalahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?”

The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida…?????”

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburettor” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

“You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!” Continue reading